Marlborough Tower & Town: The Magazine Of Marlborough's Community And Churches

Tower and Town, September 2015

Some Practical Considerations

Growing old is a very serious business - for the aging and their carers alike. But like its immediate aftermath - and taxes (Benjamin Franklin 1789 -) it is an inevitability. Different cultures treat their 'senior' citizens in different ways, but in Britain today there is a wide gamut of alternatives for both the aging and their families to consider.

One of my closest friends puts it very well:

"Of course the 'growing old' and how it affects others depends hugely on the circumstances AND personality of the individual. Human nature comes into it as well: the degree with which some people live life in a Jekyll and Hyde manner can vary greatly, as they present a very different face to family, to friends, and to the outside world, whilst others have a more consistent existence."

I have asked various people, both the aged and their carers, for very practical tips on how to age gracefully, as applied mostly to the aging themselves. Here are some of the quite frank suggestions:

Never say how rarely people visit you - especially when patently untrue!

Try to remember and maintain the social niceties as long as possible; be aware of personal hygiene and dirty and stained clothing.

Avoid self pity. Maintain an interest in people and events that surround you.

Don't say that you don't bother to cook any more now that there is only one to cook for.

If asked "How are you" try to answer "Fine,thank you" even if you know this to be a fib. You can elaborate later!

Beware alcohol. It causes either depression or aggression. And it can affect your balance.

Try to see and talk with younger generations - especially your grandchildren if you are lucky enough to have any.

Try not to moan - this can affect even the closest relationships.

Do not live in the past.

And for the carers (family or friends): Remember that you will be there too.

Be ruthless about getting a break - you will both need it.

Try not to argue about past events. Memory is unreliable so give in gracefully!

Do not feel guilty if you decide that a Home, rather than home, is the best solution.

Do not feel the need to 'jolly them along'.

There is a wealth of very good advice, particularly in this internet age, about the way to keep our brains and bodies in shape as long as possible. Most of us don't or can't follow it as much as we perhaps should. Exercise, diet, social intercourse, reading, hobbies and so on. But staying socially acceptable, interesting and warm to our partners (if they exist), family and friends is surely at least as important. If only one can age to be regarded as a sweet old woman, or a lovely old man, the rewards are bound to be greater for the 'twilight years'.

Andrew Unwin

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