Tower and Town, October 2016

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Clergy Letter: Loneliness

Loneliness is often taken to be a pejorative word, full of negative connotations and with little to commend it or appreciate about it. When it is combined in a phrase such as, 'loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted' there is no simple way to perceive anything positive about it. As Mother Teresa wrote, it is indeed, 'the most terrible poverty'.

It has been suggested by many people that some of the loneliest times are when we are surrounded by others but without any social contact with them. It's an observation often made about cities, where people can be in crowded places but strangers can find it difficult to even make eye contact with others.

However, some of us have sought refuge from the busyness of work-life and constant social interaction by choosing to go on a silent retreat to a remote place, with the chance to be alone with one's own thoughts and time to reflect on life. My own experience of such retreats is in a Christian setting. To me they are my attempt to follow the example set by Jesus Christ, who, it is reported by Luke, 'would withdraw to deserted places and pray' as a way of removing himself from the pressure of the crowds and the demands of his followers in order to spend time with his Father.

In such a situation it is very possible to be both alone yet not lonely. It may be that a retreat does not strictly constitute loneliness because total isolation is not experienced. The absence of physical contact is undoubtedly a feature but the presence of spiritual and emotional contact with God can be very real and meaningful. Perhaps such 'lone-ness' should be regarded as solitude, a positive and constructive experience of companionship with God. This can lead us into spiritual growth and positive activity.

I think we all need to take the chance to remove ourselves from the pressures of life and be alone, even if it is for a relatively short time. At its simplest, it's an opportunity to recharge the batteries but it's also a way of being alone with one's own thoughts; to be with God in silence, waiting on him and listening. For this purpose I've known busy Mums who use a soak in the bath and busy men who use a workout at the gym - or indeed vice versa!

Whatever method we use, I trust we might find with the theologian, Thomas Merton, that, 'in this loneliness the deepest activities' might be initiated.

Bob Toogood

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